My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
