i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
