Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
