Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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