when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
