Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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