Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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