I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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