I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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