i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
