My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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