who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
