yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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