There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
