I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
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Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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