i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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