I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
