Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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