Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
