Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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