Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
