My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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