My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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