the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The Olympian is in my bed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
