It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The ass gains better be worth it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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