Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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