Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
