I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
