There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
