i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
