I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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