you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
