i can't believe i had my finger in that
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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