I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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