I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
