hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
