i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
