I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Operation Purity has been aborted
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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