WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
