I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My ass is underappreciated
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
