No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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