Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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