That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
