I need help removing her.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
