If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
