He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
