apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
