needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
