dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He shit in the fireplace
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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