why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
