Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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