I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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