we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
