I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize