I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
