dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
