Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
