i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My vagina is very pro this idea
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
