I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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