why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
