Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties