I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
