Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
