i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
