Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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