Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
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Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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