i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
