I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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