meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
