Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
