I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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