I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
