i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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