Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
