Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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