All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
