I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
