he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
