I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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