No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
