I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
