I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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